Grave of Love
by yin13147
Summary: AU. Toshiro has been the slave of a vampire for so long, he believes freedom is an illusion. An orange-haired doctor might be his only hope, but his chains won't cease to bind him. IchiHitsu, forced KusaHitsu
1. Fatal Fangs

**Disclaimer: The real owner of Bleach is Tite Kubo.**

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The blood, I can feel it flowing down my legs, only to be licked off by the one ruthlessly ramming into me.

I don't cry, since it won't do any good for me. I grab the sheets like a lifeline, for the pain is getting worse by the second.

I could feel the heat inside me, giving me the scorching agony instead of what is supposed to be warm pleasure with others. Though I don't have a mirror, I know that from the horror of what he's doing to me, all the blood is long gone from my face. I could only look at the white blankets below me while he continues to ravage me, then it gets worse when he grabs my hair and pushes my head to the ground, keeping me from breathing.

That's the type of man he is. He loves seeing me in pain.

I hear my mind make the whimpers that's supposed to come out my mouth. He makes no attempt to be gentle at all. His thrusts are nothing but rough.

The muscles inside me are already so sore, that his movements are provoking them to bleed more and more. The blood on my legs feel both hot and cold, and my lips are starting to crack from the loss of blood and not drinking water for the whole day.

Back and forth and back and forth, that's how I feel him penetrating to my innermost core until he spilled his seed deep into my being.

Nothing but disgust filled my body as I found own my release, then pain added with disgust when his teeth drilled through the skin of my neck and sucked me to the point that I nearly fainted.

But that's not the end of it. He flipped me over so I would face him, and quickly his fingers wrap around my neck like a snake and he starts to strangle me, his nails scratching my fragile skin. I do not make any attempt to resist for I would get a beating in return.

"You're my property. You'll live the rest of your life here in the darkness, and nobody will save you and bring you back to the light." he hissed, before making one last hold of my neck and letting me go. I watch him leave by disappearing in a dark mist.

It's safe for me to go outside, so I walked out the front door after changing into clean clothes.

Though he considers me his plaything, he allows me to venture out in the sunlight-filled streets. He just doesn't want me to have relationships with other people. Possessive, in other words.

I pull the sleeves up to my elbows, and I could see all the marks that he put around me, even on my arms. They would always remind me that I can't escape from him, nor can I be able to live the life that others do.

I hear the cars blow their horns, the metropolitan guards tooting their whistles, and the other people chatting as they pass the pedestrian lane. I'm envious but it's hopeless to harbor envy for them. When I catch sight of the large hospital, I remember how much blood I lost just a while ago.

My head suddenly starts to feel dizzy, my vision becomes hazy, and my body turns limp as the last thing my eyes see is the color of pitch black.

Am I dying? At my age? Well, this is better for me. I can finally be free from him, and live the life in the hereafter, with open wings and not clipped ones.

I could finally be at bliss, at paradise for eternity.

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**A/N: I hope I get reviews. This is really tragic for me to write, but it's not because anyone will die. You'll see why later on.  
**


	2. Healing Hands

White, the first color that I see when I open my eyes. The walls are also white. The clothes I'm wearing are of the same color as well, along with the floor and the bed I'm lying on.

My first thought is that I am in heaven, but after that vague smell of medicine, I'm actually wrong. I'm in the hospital, with an IV tube attached to my left hand and another tube coming from a blood pack to my right.

I felt disappointment that I'm not dead. But I also feel grateful the kind soul who helped me here. I am sure that I passed out in the street.

But I wonder, who was it that saved me?

Just then, the door opens and a doctor with a youthful face comes in, most likely to check on my condition. He stands out with his orange hair, but that's it. "Are you okay?" he asks. I nod, my body shivering from the cold air in the room.

"Why is... this..." I ask with quivering lips, showing my right hand to him. "Oh, I found out you fainted from blood loss and exhaustion so I prepared these. Don't move around too much, you might pass out again." he said, as I try to get off the bed.

I'm starving, I could feel the emptiness in my stomach that I need to eat something, anything, even if it's just bitter-tasting tablets.

I didn't have to tell him that when he hears my stomach grumble, which I slightly feel embarrassed about.

"You're hungry?" I nod again, my feet resting on the bed again. "Wait here. I'll get you something." he left after, and I patiently wait.

It's been a while since I ever breathed in air this fresh even though it's cold, that I decide to make the most of it.

For this short while, I feel like I was never Kusaka's slave. But when I see the hickeys on my arms and legs, the horror of the truth comes back. I bite my lip but I don't make it bleed. I might worry that doctor.

And speak of the devil, as I thought about worrying him he comes back and carries a tray of beef soup with fresh bread and a glass of water. I know a nurse is supposed to do that, but I should know that he is concerned for my health.

It makes me wonder if he is the one who brought me here.

"You looked really pale when I saw you faint in front of me, that I couldn't just leave you there alone." he admits, and my suspicions are confirmed. I don't say anything else, but I'm taken by surprise when he pats my head. It's rare in my case, for Kusaka is the only other person who touched my head, only to grab it or hit it.

His touch is gentle, so I don't resist and allow him. He's just being kind to his patient, which is his job as a doctor. "What's your name?" I ask.

"Ichigo Kurosaki. What is yours?"

I make no hesitation to answer his question. "Toshiro Hitsugaya."


	3. A Dark Bond

"Where have you been?" Kusaka growled when I walked back home after a whole day of resting in the hospital, under Ichigo's care. "The hospital. Blood transplant." I hope it would explain more than enough for him.

His eyes glowered, but I have been used to that evil look since long ago.

I quickly prepared myself for what's coming, that he would go ahead and rape me once more, but he merely said that he understands and leaves the room, giving me a few more moments of privacy.

But I don't sigh or do I feel happy, but I know that a speck of luck is on my side today. I go to my room, which has nothing but a bed and a shelve of literature books.

There is a new set of clothes on my bed, consisting of a pale blue shirt and dark pants. I don't wear it, but I don't throw it aside. It would be of use later if he would take me again.

And it does happen later. I feel pain again, but at least it isn't as brutal as yesterday. He entered me though I'm not yet prepared for it, but he doesn't strangle me or yank my hair and press my face against the bed.

I'm on my hands and knees, but I grit my teeth for it's the position I hate the most. Like I'm at his total mercy, which I am in reality but I refuse to completely accept it.

My toes curl and my fingers clench the sheets tighter when he released inside me, the hot gush making me see stars for a moment, but I still feel like I'm going to retch. I followed him and I sit up, nearing his head to my neck. I hope that by doing this, he would be a little less harsh.

He immediately sucks my blood, and I let out ragged breaths. If only my hand is holding a knife, I could slit his throat right there and then.

No one would apprehend me, for they would already know he is a vampire from his fangs that never disappear, and those unnatural black nails of his.

I wear the new clothes that was on my bed earlier, and I see no sign of Kusaka so once again I go outside with a little money to buy some decent food. If there would be any food at home, it would just be water but it's not enough for me.

My feet stop walking in front of the bakery, where I could see bread with melted cheese in between that it makes my mouth water, so I go inside and buy one. I hastily finish my meal outside right beside a lamp post, and then I see Kurosaki who seemed to have just finished work and is taking a break for the rest of the day. He also notices me and he runs to me to say hi.

"I never expected to find you here."

"Same here." I reply, and he sees the new bruises on my body. Damn him for not providing me a jacket! "You got beaten up again?" he asks. "Bullies will always be bullies." I answer with a shrug of my shoulders. "What were you eating a while ago?"

"One cheese bread." he quickly fiddles with his pocket and takes out some money. "I don't think that's enough, given that you still look so skin and bones."

I can't say he's insulting me. No matter how much food I gorged into yesterday at the hospital, my body hasn't gained a single pound of fat. But I don't want to put my burden on him. "No, you really don't have to..."

"I want to." he says, before entering and quickly coming out in a minute with a paper bag that contains five large cream puffs. He keeps one for himself, and we start to eat while walking.

As I bite on one cream puff, the cream cheese and custard squeezes out the bread while I taste it. It's unbelievably delicious, and I quickly ate it all in a few seconds. He laughs as I finish them like a glutton, because it's not everyday that I'd get to eat these.

"It's harsh right? That you're always pushed around by others." he says, wherein I nod silently.

I guess he also bought the excuse I gave them yesterday, that I'm a victim of bullying.

"I fight back, but in the end I lose." I say, to make it more believable. But I lack the ability to add much emotion in my voice, so I sound like a blank person.

"I could feel your pain. My sisters always get bullied in the past, so I always protected them." He sounds so honest, that he's another person I should respect. But the envy never dies.

"It's life." I tell him, to end the conversation. Kusaka is my only bully who I will never win against. He says no more about bullying, and I sigh. Just then, I see dark eyes snaking all over my body from afar.

Those eyes could only belong to one person. My body trembles with fear and stays still from the shock, and Kurosaki looks at me with confused eyes. He's enraged. Whenever those dangerous orbs of his would pierce my soul, I can feel his wrath consuming my body like fire.

"Toshiro, what's wrong?" I can't answer him. He would laugh at me. But that seems ironic to what I thought earlier, about police finding out that Kusaka is a real vampire should I ever kill him. "Sorry, I have to take care of something. I'll be right back."

My body turns around and I run back to the house, leaving there to watch me with more confusion in his eyes. Nobody else must get involved, I have to make sure of that.

The fact that he doesn't want me to have anything to do with other people, even talk to a doctor, he wants me all for himself and the look in his eyes, reminding him that my body is his, it almost makes me fall down to my knees.


	4. Almost No Hope

When I realize that he is already inside the house when I open the door, that's when I let myself collapse, like I'm bowing before him. "I thought I told you a thousand times." he scolded, as he grabs my collar and lifts me up until me feet are no longer touching the ground. "Now, you know what will come next, right?"

I let my head drop, as my way of nodding. "Yes. You may punish me for disobeying you."

The next thing that happens, I'm on my bed, not being pleasured but rather brutalized. He immediately plunges three fingers into me, the sharp nails scratching me from the inside that I let myself shout from the pain.

The buds on my chest are being mercilessly pinched, that it just adds the agony that I wish to stop. His teeth bite at my limp member, that my voice just turned louder which would make me too hoarse to speak for a few days, but it's so painful this time that I can't resist myself.

His hands are cold and sharp that they wound me even with the slightest touch, and his lips are so hot but rough that it makes bloody bruises on my skin, not the normal ones.

In his jealous fit he sucked so much of my blood that I pass out even though he's not yet done with his punishment. I could feel myself being thrashed and being wounded, but I want to sleep so much that I ignore those.

There are a lot of times when I wish that he would just kill me, but I know that it is highly impossible. Why can't he just let me go? I never did anything to deserve this. My heart yearns for freedom, that I would often dream of it and it feels so real... but dreams are just dreams.

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**A/N: I will update until Chapter 6 for now, because I'm still proofreading the ones from chapter 7 and so on, along with editing a few parts. Thanks to those who liked or reviewed this story, even if it has short chapters.**

**To tell you, this is inspired from a BL drama CD called 'The Dark Blue', which is very old, maybe back in the 90's. It has the same plot about a man being a vampire's sex slave along with being a sort of food as well, and passed out from exhaustion and blood loss. This doctor who treated him becomes his lover, but of course the vampire is not letting his 'slave' get away that easily. That's the only plot I know, but since I can't understand Japanese I don't know the whole details.**


	5. Kind Angel

Spasms hit all parts of my body, that one small move gives me a great deal of pain. So I just lie down on the bed without moving the position I'm in right now is very uncomfortable, for I don't want to feel my muscles twitch violently again.

For a week tops, I stayed on the bed, without anything to gorge on but hard bread and a cap of water that Kusaka tossed to me just to keep me alive for his future tortures. I eat it, for he would feed me his blood if I resist. His blood gives me a lot of energy, which is strange, but it tastes so bitter that it already burns my tongue.

Again, he seems to be gone, and I want to go outside again and feel the morning air around me. The dead, dark air inside makes me feel nauseous.

Even though I know that it would lead into my punishment, I need to go to the hospital again and have my wounds treated.

If Kurosaki ever knows about my situation, I would feel shameful. If anyone else knows, I don't know how to face them. I let myself get tossed around like a toy by a heartless sadist.

As I see my reflection from the clear glass of the entrance door, I immediately know that I look like a child from the most desolate streets.

My clothes are ragged and torn, my face is swelling with bruises and cuts, and my body is like that of one severely beaten.

I still could feel the spasms in my body, but it's not as bad as the first day this happened, so I push my way in with my sore hands, and everyone looks at me. Nurses even nearly dropped their trays and notepads in shock of the sight of me.

Just as two nurses come to help me walk for my legs start to wobble, I start to feel so dizzy.

When my eyes open, I realize I am in the same white room with more tubes attached to my arms, chest and legs like the last time. There is still the blood pack of my type, which they could have known from injecting a little blood out of me, and more unique fluids making me feel a little mellow but also at bliss.

My mind suddenly turns to Kurosaki, as I wonder if he's also the one who decided to take charge in taking care of me.

But I think that's impossible. Of course, I'm not his only patient. In a large hospital like this, he may have to take care of a hundred other patients who either got sick or injured in an accident.

But when I see orange hair when someone opens the door, I stop thinking about it anymore and I smile at the sight of his warm-hearted face. I don't smile much anymore, and I'm glad I still can.

Before I could thank him, his expression suddenly turns serious. "Toshiro, I know that this may sound sudden, but did you get these bruises and wounds from bullies? It looks too much to be from them." he says, his fingers trailing on the bad spots of my bare arms. Only then did I realize that they changed my clothes with a hospital gown.

My mouth makes no words, and I sit up as I look down on my lap.

What should I tell him? That I am a constant rape victim of a vampire? No one would believe that. I could just tell him that some street delinquents tried to start trouble with me and when I resisted them they retaliated by beating me to half-death.

Yet, it hurts to lie to him who has done nothing but care for me, even give me some good food I rarely get.

I decide to tell the truth to him, no matter what his reaction might be. I have to repay all what he did for me, even though it means telling him about my miserable way of living.

"Kurosaki, just please, don't dismiss whatever I'll tell you, for I'll be telling the truth." My hand grabs his arm to let him know that I won't be lying. He nods, and I look away to the window as I narrate to him everything in the long-story-short way, about how Kusaka found me and how he treated me all these years which explains why I pass out often and why I have bruises and wounds. I make it not too long but clear enough for him to understand.

He doesn't make a move when I stop talking.

I wait for his reply, my eyes turning to him once in a while. Then, before I could close my eyes, they widen when he says, "It's cruel." Pain reached my heart when I hear the pure pity and shock in his voice.

"I know. But I'll never be able to run away with him, no matter what I do. He'll find me wherever I go."

"Then, at least, stay as far away from him as you can." He doesn't understand the whole thing, but I don't blame him. "It's not that easy, Kurosaki. Whenever I try, he will give me these. If you're in my shoes, you would say the same thing that I said."

Quickly, he pulls my head close and plants a light kiss on the forehead, a kiss for comfort and to calm the anguish I'm feeling. Then he pats my head. "If you want, when you recover, you can stay with me, even for a while. If it would make you feel a little better and safe, and someplace that's not the hospital would be better for you."

"Kurosaki, I don't need somebody's kindness." I reply, gently removing his hand from my face. "Look, as long as I live, he'll never stop. And he might kill you."

The thought of someone innocent, having his life taken away by that monster's hands, I already embrace myself from the shiver that's running across my body.

"A kind man like you, doesn't deserve to get caught in this. This is my problem, and my problem alone." I don't say it coldly, so he won't get the wrong idea.

"I don't care. And though you say I'm kind, I'm not exactly who I appear to you." I look at him, "What do you mean?" He closes his eyes and shakes his head. "You don't have to know. But, if what you told me is really the truth, then at least let someone else help you. Don't always take the burden by yourself."

His grip on my hand becomes tighter after saying that. It's almost cracking my bones due to my hands being in a fragile state, but this also lets me know that he is serious. I chuckle bitterly, and I could feel tears, tears formed for some emotion that I don't know yet, blur my sight as I agree.

"Okay." He continues to hold my hand, and I wipe my tears away before they could even fall.


	6. Escape the Dark

A few days pass, and Kusaka doesn't appear in front of me, not at all. But I still can't shake off the feeling that he's somewhere nearby, waiting to make the perfect strike at me. Whether at day or at night, I fear for him appearing in front of me again.

I start to dream about how he would violate me repeatedly, none of those treatments I ever recall to be gentle.

Either Kurosaki or the nurses who tried to help me stand would visit me and offer me drinks and food, and I enjoy their company.

I'm used to being alone, but now I'm in the hospital and have been away from Kusaka for a while now, when I'm alone in this room, the goosebumps immediately hit my body. And then, the ever-familiar voice resonates in my head.

"**You think you can run away? You'll always be mine_._**"

I could feel myself shiver, but I wish from the bottom of my heart that it's just the voice in my head and not him speaking to me. Oh how I wish it, that I nearly cry from the despair.

When it's time to leave, I breathe the fresh, cold air before stepping out. Kurosaki guides me to his small but nice car that candle handle four people. Inside his car, I watch the place, new places that I have never seen before and new faces that I could have seen if I led a free life.

It's too fast to be real, I thought. So I pinch my arm to see if this is a dream and I'm just unconscious and sleeping for a long time.

It's really not when I realize I'm still in the car. My lips curve into a smile, and I let my head rest against the window. My eyes fall down, to let me drift into a sleep that feels empty. I see black at first, then white, before completely turning into a dull shade of gray.

The color disappears from my eyes when I feel the motion of the car come to a stop. "It's not much, but make yourself at home." he states, before mounting off the car and opening the door for me.

I yawn softly before stepping out and following him inside.

The atmosphere in his house is so different, I could feel security and the scent of pure nature, and like a child, I run in and breathe in through my nose the refreshing air. Then I slump into a soft couch which feels so soft that it's like a cushion full of water, for my body sinks in a little to the couch.

If only I live like this since a long time ago, I could have been a much less troubled person. This is only temporary, but I want to make the most of it. As he sits on the couch, I search for the kitchen and look for the things I need to make tea.


	7. Reality

I wait for the kettle to make its trademark whistling noise, and I sit on a small stool while resting my arm on the counter. I make sure my fingers don't touch any of the flames. My eyes carefully scan the area, looking for any sign of black smoke or deadly eyes.

There is nobody but me. Kurosaki is in the living room to rest. I'm glad, but I know that the moment of being alone and away from him is short-lived. He can sense me, and he knows my scent which he once described as icy.

Though I sit beside a kettle of heating water, I feel cold from fear and I shiver while I touch my elbows up and down to calm the goosebumps in my body.

"Please, let it be just me being paranoid..." I whisper just as when I finally hear the whistle along with the sound of evaporated water shooting out.

With a cloth to keep my hand from getting burns, I pour the tea on two cups and turned off the stove. "God, help me." I wish He would hear my prayer, and for once not abandon me to suffer.

"Here you go." Passing one cup to him, he thanks me and I sit beside him before we drink the tea at the same time. "If it helps..." I say, to show him how grateful I am. "I can clean and cook around him. I'm no chef, but I know how to make decent food."

"Well, you don't have to do that." he answers with soft eyes. "But... if you insist, then you can go with us for Christmas."

The holiday of happiness and sharing, the one of the few events that so many people are looking forward to celebrate. It's only a week left until that day comes, and not once in my life have I ever celebrated it. The only thing I do there is be taken and I spend the evening by lying on the bed and feeding on scraps that Kusaka would give me.

I don't know what to answer, and time is ticking slower than a while ago. My hands regain their warmth from the cup conducting the heat of the water it's carrying, and my throat closes and opens alternately but after another sip I make my answer.

"That would be... nice, thank you. It would help me to see new faces." From him patting my back and hugging me a little closer to him, I know that he read between the lines and is trying to soothe the pain I'm feeling.

I can't cry again in front of him, for I want to express my feelings for my pain alone. I hold my tears back and I don't let them fall but I don't wipe them off either, and gently I push myself away from him.

"I'll only be here for a while, Kurosaki. You can't expect to protect me forever, even if you know my secret. Kusaka is more fearsome than you think he is."

My hand holds his, my grip so tight, because both of fear for my life and for his, along with the horror of the thought of what Kusaka might do. I hold him with such force that I feel his pulse and can tell his blood's leaving his hand.

But I fear that when I let go, he'll slip away. Why do I dread the thought so much, though I'm barely best friends with this man?

And just then, when the door opens... my fears come to life. My eyes pulse and widen, my chest constricts, my airways close, and my body turns stiff. I wish it's an illusion, but it's not. Time turns slower by a thousandfold, but many things happen and I can only charge forward and scream but they happen and the door closes.

Just as I thought...

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**A/N: You'll see what exactly happened there in the next chapter. And for a little confession, I like giving Toshiro a lot of angst just as I did in the other fics I made. *evil laugh***


	8. Time of Loss

_The door opens, and I see some people which are most likely the police. It shocks me, and Kurosaki quickly stands up while holding an arm in front of me. I'm confused; I didn't do anything to attract the attention of the authorities. I look above his arm, as he asks them of what business do they have._

_"We're here to arrest you."_

_Arrest? I don't understand. What would he even do? Is this what he meant by he's not exactly the person I think he is? The kind person who could be my only hope and my only friend is actually... someone who did something terribly wrong?_

_"What did he do?" I intervene. I don't want to believe it. It must be some mistake._

_ "Murder. I hope that explains more than enough for you." That voice! I find it impossible to believe, but when another man enters the background, I know now that it really is him._

_I never thought that Kusaka would even be able to disguise himself like this even though he's a vampire. I underestimated him, that I mentally call myself a fool. "He would never murder anybody. He's a doctor." I pretend not to know him, and Kurosaki doesn't even know what he looks like._

_I know that by murder, it didn't mean failing to save a patient from dying. He meant cold-blooded murder. "That's a lie." I hiss, momentarily forgetting that I'm talking back to my captor. "Deny all you like, but your friend will go to jail nonetheless."_

_My hands grab his arm as they pull him away, and I even scream for them to stop but none of them would listen to me or even show sympathy._

_It's a lie. I know Kusaka is doing this as his revenge. That voice I heard in the hospital was real. I catch a glimpse of his smirk, which meant that he's telling me that I'll always lose against him as all of them walk out._

_The last thing I saw before the door closed was Ichigo's smile, which was warm and gentle. It's completely different from the evil smile that Kusaka gave me a while ago. The house is so empty, which I notice after five minutes of staring at the door with disbelief._

_Kusaka may be not here to torture me, but it's cold comfort for as I feared before, I got someone else involved.  
_

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**A/N: I will confess that though the chapters are short, I'm giving my best in each one. It's really a bad blow whenever you cruelly criticize somebody because of that, and you could say it in a nice way. Sorry that I'm making this confession, but something happened that made me want to say this.  
**


	9. Connecting

Three days passed, but I haven't left Kurosaki's house nor have I let go of the shock of his arrest that made me get nightmares in my sleep. I could see him writhing in pain as they torutre him and give him an unfair trial, and I also saw myself watch in fear with Kusaka in front of me, smiling sinisterly.

It's like I can see into the future, though I know it's completely ridiculous. But I can't seem to be able to shake that feeling away, and finally, I get the urge to get out. But I wash myself first and change into some clothes that seemed to be his childhood clothes, and I take some bread with egg in between before I leave.

Since it's the police who arrested Kurosaki, there's only one place where I know he would be right now.

I stop walking when I see the police station, and the men let me in when I tell them that I'm here to visit a prisoner, no matter how much I hate the word. Inside, on a bench where people wait until they can talk to the inmates, I see three people. One is a scruffy old man, carrying two small girls on her laps who are silently crying.

"What are they doing to Ichi-nii? Daddy, you believe that he is innocent, right?" It took me a while to realize that they are Kurosaki's family. I don't hesitate to approach them, hoping to ease a little pain off them since it's my fault why those two girls' brother is in jail.

"You're Kurosaki's sisters, right?" They nod and look at me like I'm sort of a stranger, which I really am to them. "Who are you? Are you a friend of Ichigo?" the man asks and I nod. It may have been short, but Kurosaki is more than enough to be considered as a friend.

"A patient as well. I'm Hitsugaya. And you're his father?" A small hum from him means yes. "I also believe that he's innocent. I want to help you as well." His brown eyes look at me, both grimly and hopefully. "Then, Hitsugaya-kun, can you do us a favor?"

"What is it?" I tense for I hope it's nothing big. "Can you talk to him on our behalf?"

With a little words from each of them which they want me to tell him, I go to another room where I wait for Kurosaki to come. I tap my fingers on the table while staring at the safety glass.

For a second, Kusaka appears behind my back, touching my shoulder and giving the same smile like in that dream. I flinch, gasp and turn my head around.

There's no one there but me and a few security guards. If he really appears, I just wish that they are strong enough to drive him away, or even kill him. "Alright, here you go." I hear from the other side of the glass, and finally, I get to see Ichigo again. I smile at him, but with sadness.

I place my hand against the glass, longing for him to hold my hand even if it's in an indirect way. None of us pick up the phone yet, but he does the same and finally, we pick up the phone but we say nothing, not until I couldn't help it anymore.

"Ichigo..."

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**A/N: One thing to say, I had to edit the whole chapter in my iPad. I can say that it's hard when it's not the PC or the laptop, but both are experiencing problems at the moment.**


	10. Love Burns

"Why are you here..." I smile again, pressing my palm harder against the barrier that's keeping our hands apart. "Your family's here, and we met. They want me to talk to you in their place." A bitter laugh escapes my throat, to hide the sound that would tell me that I want to cry already.

"Yuzu-san says that she'll still being a good student and daughter, your father... he wants me to say that... that... they will get you out. They'll help, and so will I." I add, and he listens with shock. "Karin-san couldn't say anything, but I'm sure that she also wishes the same; that you'd be freed."

My face turns more serious. "I know you didn't murder anybody. Kusaka did this to get back at me. I'm sure of it."

He becomes confused from his face twitching into wonder. "How could he know that fast?"

Remembering all what I can see from Kusaka from way before to now, I answer with my voice ten times lower than before. "I left out one thing when I told you about what he's doing to me." A pause follows. I may have told him about my abuse, but not the fact that Kusaka is more than a malevolent human and is actually a monster.

I fear saying that, for it might make things worse than it already is so I lie once again, but it's for his sake and not mine. "He... has so many connections that I don't know. I guess the police is one of them."

That was a good lie, for he buys it. We let our hands drop slowly, and I whisper, "We'll get you out. I swear. I won't give up, neither will your family... until you're safe."

"Why are you gong to lengths? All what I did was just take you in. But that's it." His voice resonates in my head, the tone making it look like he's no more than a broken man but he is just concerned.

"Even if you say that... you're the only one that I ever confided in about my life and who wanted to help me even though I wanted otherwise." I can't say anymore, knowing that the guard that's paying attention to us talking with indifferent eyes is getting impatient.

"Just wait. I promise you, again and again." After I mutter those words, my lips start to burn, like they want to do something else. But both of us hang up and exchange one last look at one another before the guard escorts him back to his cell.

I leave, saying no word after leaving the station when I finished telling his family that we finished talking. It's hard to say any other words, and my eyes look up the sky.

It's already noon, and the sun is almost blinding so I look away and go back to the house, even though the walk is so long.

* * *

Two days went by, as quick as one second and I hear nothing, and I once again gain the fear of going outside. But now, I pray again for Kurosaki to get out of prison through fair trial.

My heart aches when the dream repeats in my sleep, but the faint hope that I keep with me prevents me from turning crazy and breaking down from all the loss I have. I lost the life of a normal person, my freedom, pride, and all at once thanks to a certain vampire.

And now, I'm losing the man who I strangely have begun to love...

That word I would rarely think about has just come back to speak in my head right now and I am surprised. But I don't make a reaction aside from letting my eyes occupy my face.

A creaking sound echoes in the living room, and my body quickly rises from the couch.

I immediately embrace the man who entered, and he lifts me up to return the hug but over his shoulder, I saw Kusaka right there a few meters away from the door, his eyes burning into my soul like back then.

Anxiety runs through me but the warmth of Kurosaki's arms makes it disappear.

The heat goes back to my lips and I do something I never expected to do. Our lips met, only lightly but I couldn't deny what I want and I'm hoping that he won't push me away because of disgust and anger. My toes are the only part of my feet standing on the ground, and I tousle his hair.

"You're alright..." I ghost at his lips when I finally pulled away, and he stands there in shock. My lips hardened, anticipating the worst. But all what he does is just kiss at my hair and then brush it with his hands.

"I am." Two of his fingers pull the opposite corners of my lips and slightly pulled them apart. "Don't frown like that. You can smile." But I don't do anything, wondering why is his action so far from what I expect.

He bends so his face is on the same level with mine, along with his eyes that stare through me but not in the intimidating way that Kusaka would. His lips move closer and with a gentle hold of my chin, he does the same of what I did to him, and I'm taken back.

Like me, he whispers something after breaking the kiss but his words are different, "Thank you. You are going to go with us on Christmas, right?" My smile was never wider when I answer, "Sure."

Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, and the day after tomorrow is the holiday that I won't be spending alone and in pain for the first time.

* * *

**A/N: May be a little sudden, but there are those kinds of romances when you unexpectedly and quickly fall in love regardless of whatever happens and how long you've known each other. **

**And one more thing... I have ignored this thought for a while but now I can't ignore it any longer. **

**To anyone of those who read an old fic of mine called 'Painful Memories' that I deleted due to some reasons I would never say again, I will reupload it again, but I forgot some parts but I will do my best to write all what I can remember and it will take a while to upload it online but I'll persevere. I hope that's good news.**

**To those who don't know it, it's better if you don't know it yet. :D  
**


	11. Snow Touch

Christmas finally came. Kurosaki fiddles with the neatly wrapped presents, and of course there's nothing for me. I don't care though and I'm just happy I finally get to celebrate Christmas the way I always dreamed it to be, that I'm with the people I care about and that I can smile for the whole day.

Kusaka may be watching me, but I drop the thought and just continue making myself some cocoa. The cup I'm holding was about to fall out my hand when Kurosaki places something in front of me.

It's a little big, rectangular, and wrapped in plain blue but the wrapping was done neatly. My hands rip it and I lift the cover. What was inside makes me overjoyed. It's not jewelry, not an accessory, nothing like that. It's a new pair of clothes that are best to use in cold winters like the one today.

A long and thick coat that reached down to my knees, soft gloves that feel warm inside, black felt boots, a green scarf to shield my neck, and a winter cap. They must have cost a lot, for they look so... brand new and so rare.

But it's just my childish thoughts coming back, and the truth is that no one gave me these before. Kusaka would only give me clothes just so he would destroy them later when he would rape me.

We embrace as I whisper thanks for the thoughtful gift, but when we pull back our lips are so close that we almost kiss but I know better. Us... kissing again, it makes me feel awkward and I get the shivers down my body. But they're not the bad type of shivers, they're the type when I know what I want but if I follow that want, I might regret something big later on.

"Are you sure you turned on the heater?" I say, to break the tension. He goes with the flow, as we go farther from each other. "I did. I even checked on it thrice a while ago. It's just really cold today. But it is December, so we can't help it." I couldn't agree more and we nod in mutual understanding. I serve him a cup of cocoa and we sit across each other.

None of us talk about the kiss, but I am sure that I have already fallen in love with him. There's no room for denying it, and even if I would there's no good reason to do so.

And yet it would be impossible to be with him, to have that kind of relationship with him.

He's a doctor, and he's almost twice my age and I'm merely sixteen and not yet an adult. We're too far apart, not in the literal term but anyone would understand what I mean.

What I did to him didn't make our relationship strained. We're not on bad terms at all. It's just that... it's hard to act normal when we're so close each other. That's the only thing that's weird between us.

* * *

"I'll carry it myself." I insist, taking the paper bag containing the gifts he received from his family and holding the strap with two hands. He almost protested, I could see it in his face, but he just let me do the work with a little frown.

The hair on my skin immediately got up that it made goosebumps. I smooth them back by rubbing my arms, and I lift the scarf up to the lower half of my face so my mouth won't get frostbite.

Winter this year may be calm, but the air coming with it is so cold. It's becoming repetitive, but I can't help but point it out. The gloves on my hands may warm my hands and the long sleeves of the coat may be covering my arms, but the air seems to be persisting in making me feel like I'm under the ice.

"I wish it would warm up a little." Kurosaki sighs, and I can clearly see his breath in the air, which looks like a fresh and white mist. I'm drawn to it but I resist my urges and we just go walking until we're in his old home.

Of course, I expected a warm welcome home to him. But I didn't know that I would be hugged as well by Yuzu, and I don't know why would they do that. But maybe they're more grateful for that one time in prison than I thought.

"Merry Christmas." Yuzu greets, giving me a tasty sandwich that she mostly made herself. "Thanks. You too." I munch on the bread afterwards and I find myself gobbling on it but I feel embarrassed after eating it all. At least they turned their attention back to Kurosaki.

"We're going to a Christmas play. You want to come with us?" The voice breaks me from the deep-thought daze I often get when I'm alone. What else can I do but agree? They're being nice to me. They're the first ever to offer me such things like this. But it's all thanks to Kurosaki.

His hand's only a few inches away. I want to entwine my fingers with them, but we'll only be friends. He most likely kissed me at that day to spare my feelings.

* * *

The hall is so large and so grand, the golden seats at the walls, the thousand velvet cushion seats below, the stage at the very front of the seats covered by a large, dark silk curtain, and we take our seats on the middle row. Not so far but not so near either. Perfect enough.

None of us make any effort to speak about anything else but the play. In a place like this, I don't believe that it's a play. It might be more of a musical, and I knew I was right when it started.

My eyes have never been so bewildered by a sight.

Several actors, dancers, and singers gather around and make several songs that I haven't heard before, and there are even acrobats in the air performing tricks in Christmas costumes that all the young kids, even Kurosaki's sisters, laughed and squealed with so much joy. I just smile and enjoyed the whole thing, but I momentarily stop smiling for a moment when something holds my hand.

At first, it felt so cold that I almost try to run away but it's just Kurosaki, looking at me with another of that smile that makes my heart burn in such a way that it's not painful but it's hard to ignore.


	12. Dilemma

Four days ago, I had the best day I ever had. Spending Christmas with Kurosaki and his family, and I could smile any minute I like.

If there was a reason I don't, there are two reasons. Either from the fear that Kusaka was out there, watching me from the shadows, or from the dreadful realization that my feelings for Kurosaki would never be reciprocated.

The second reason strangely scares me more than the first, and that fact tells me that my love for Kurosaki has become stronger than my fear of Kusaka.

It would be okay, right? That as long as he's there to protect me, I won't have to worry about my feelings being unrequited. But I know that I want him to love me the way I love him. I want it so bad, that I dream about him every night in my sleep.

It's not his fault for why it's happening to me. It's mine, because I let it come to this. I would have just loved him in the platonic way. But no, I had to make it go this far and it hurts now.

The truth is, I want him to touch me in _that_ way. Feel his heat against mine, let his weight be over mine, and his lips ravage with my own as our tongues would meet. But why would I think of something so wretched? It's almost like what Kusaka would do to me whenever he felt like it, which is almost all the time when he's in the house I used to live in.

I hate it when Kusaka is the one doing it. But why when I think of myself doing the same thing with Kurosaki, I feel my heart beating so fast that it's hard to stop?

The sound of the clock striking twelve caused me to wake up from my deep daze about my feelings for Kurosaki and realize that I thought about the same topic for over two hours when I'm supposed to sleep at ten.

Soon I fell asleep after looking at the wall that's painted with the fresh color of cornflower blue. It's beautiful and clean, and I always get a good sleep whenever that color's the last thing I sleep before I would go in a deep slumber.

Everything in my mind flashes white but I am already used to the blinding color and then I'm in a place where nothing's there but pitch black space. I walk, slowly waiting until random images would appear and form a whole new background where I go into action to let the time outside my subconscious slip swiftly.

When a new color swirls in front of me, I patiently watch until it would transform into something else but to my greatest horror it forms the embodiment of the fear that ate at my freedom almost my whole life.

Kusaka is right there, grinning at me so widely that I nearly screamed at him to go away. But his stare made my throat so tight that what I could let out my mouth are very hoarse chokes. He's real. He's really real, because I can tell. I have been with him for long enough to differentiate the difference between illusion and reality when he would appear in my sight. Even in my sleep I know that he entered my head and materialized in my dreams which had turned to a nightmare.

"You really think that it's just like that? Because you're living with someone else you believe that you'll be free of me?" A hand heads for my throat and he lifts me off the ground like before when he saw me walking with Ichigo, but this time his grip is like he'll kill me in a matter of time.

"You young, naive idiot. That's all you'll ever be to others. And I told you before, didn't I? Again and again? That you'll always be mine..." he whispers dangerously and drops me to the ground, a loud thud ringing and my whole back cracking in pain.

"Let go..." I struggle, as his lips start to move down to my neck after licking a small drop of blood that was dropping down my forehead from the impact and he bites down my neck, his fangs starting to attract the blood in me and draining me until I'm too weak to move.

"Wake up! Wake up!" I think, but I'm too scared to do so and he rips all my clothes off with ease. "No!" I yell but his lips are on mine, taking in every noise of resistance I make when he rips my pants off. I'm bare in front of him again, and I feel more ashamed than ever that I'm shivering.


	13. Tortured Heart

I have never been taken this brutally before, nor have I ever seen so much blood pour out of me, caused by his hands. My head keeps on pounding and pounding stronger than my heart which I think would stop beating anytime now if Kusaka keeps on raping me.

After he pulls himself out me, he drains me with one agonizing bite deep into my shoulder, piercing the muscles there and making them spasm to an extreme. Then he grabs my member with such force like he wishes to eviscerate me and make me unable to wake again, before plunging himself inside me once again and I make a silent scream.

Everything feels like a hundred blades thrusting deep into my soul, slowly tearing me apart but I ran out of tears, voice, and soon I will run out of blood. I hold my hand out, reaching for anything that would pull me away from his hold. But only blackness greets my bruised palm, which he stepped on a while ago when I attempted to punch him.

He makes a fast and wounding rhythm, and there's no pleasure at all that I sob, new tears forming and showing him how much it hurts. No matter how pathetic I am, I want to cry because this pain is the worst of all.

Kusaka laughs at seeing my expression and licks all by blood and tears, not to comfort me but to satisfy his fill and he smirks as I pass out, my vision blurring before turning black.

I rise from the bed with a loud, throaty gasp and scan the area. Kusaka's not there wherever I looked and that's a good thing but it didn't make it any better that when I saw blood on the bed, my pajamas stained with dark red and my neck sizzling from the venom of his teeth.

Him raping me in my dreams is also a reality. I am not naked, but all the blood on the bed and on me is not an illusion either. I shiver in fright but I can't let my voice out so I won't disturb Kurosaki and let him find out about this.

But I kept on spacing out and focusing only on my wounds, that I didn't know Kurosaki is there, standing at the door and looking at me in horror. His eyes pulsed at all the blood on me.

He's a doctor, but this is a completely different kind of situation that he can't seem to stomach. Right now, I want to die. I'd rather die than watch Kurosaki's face that came out from what happened to me.


End file.
